


Deciduous

by SnailArmy



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Dentistry, F/F, Gen, fair warning this WILL end sadly, until then it's cute though i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23233816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnailArmy/pseuds/SnailArmy
Summary: me, banging pots and pans together at 3am: GIVE THE TOY SOLDIER LESBIAN DENTIST MOMSyou: please leave my home
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43
Collections: Stowaways' Shenanigans





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> when in the timeline does this take place? doesn't matter. don't worry about it. canon is a lie made up by the mechanisms to sell more emotional pain. did you know that baby teeth are known as deciduous teeth? now you do.

Lauren knew there were many things to consider when starting your own business, especially in the medical field. She didn't mind being unofficial secretary and consultant to her wife, the esteemed Dr. Anne Holden. Well... most of the time she didn't mind. Lauren would freely admit that the finer points of running a dental practice were lost on her. The human body was messy and unpredictable; a far cry from the precise clockwork and carpentry that she preferred. 

Still, Lauren wasn't sure what part of maintaining the human mouth required her wife to drag her to an antique mall. As interesting as the Emporium for Valuable Antiques, Curios and High Quality Dentures was, Lauren wasn't sure a dentist's office needed quite so much "character." 

She mentioned this to her wife after the third set of antique and frankly disturbing false teeth entered their shared basket. Rather, she was about to mention it, when something caught her eye. 

Mostly hidden behind shelves of beanie babies and some wildly out of date globes was a life-sized wooden soldier. Lauren glanced back to Anne, but she was busy weighing the relative aesthetic merits of ivory vs wooden dentures, so Lauren stepped carefully around the piles of accoutrements to get a closer look. The toy was wooden, but had splintered in places, revealing delicate clockwork jutting out from inside. It was wearing an old military uniform that had once been quite handsome, but was torn and frayed and even burned in places. The state of disrepair almost seemed like it had been in real battles, but surely that wasn't possible. 

She reached out a hand and moved the toy soldier's arm gently, testing the mechanisms. It was stiff, but it flexed smoothly back and forth, in a way that was not exactly "natural" but seemed to mimic human anatomy well enough. She looked carefully at the face. It was entirely wooden, but the painted-on mustache was quite charming, and the eyes seemed almost to gleam in the fluorescent light of the shop. It was a most curious object indeed. 

Lauren found herself utterly enraptured by the mechanical man. Eventually, Anne came over to see what her wife had found, setting her hand gently on her shoulder as she examined the cogs and gears with a practiced eye. "What's this now?"

Lauren barely glanced up. "Some kind of... well, it's hard to say, exactly... it's like a toy, but more complex than anything I've seen before. It's fascinating!"

Her wife laughed gently, and picked up the toy soldier's hat to examine more closely. "I haven't seen you this excited in years. Maybe we should take it home with us, give you something to work on." 

Lauren straightened up at this, her face flush. "Oh Anne, I couldn't! This trip was supposed to be for your office, and I have more than enough projects at home." She thought guiltily of the pile of half-assembled clocks on her desk, and her blush deepened in embarrassment. 

Anne laughed harder, a sound full of joy and warmth and love. "If it makes you feel better, we can keep it in the waiting room. It can be our mascot! I'm sure we can make it hold a giant toothbrush or something." She shifted her hold on her basket of antique teeth paraphernalia and hugged her wife. "I know you'd never forgive yourself if we left it here to rot. Look at all this dust! You must be the only person in fifty years who's looked at this old thing. We're taking it home, and I won't hear another word." 

Lauren began to protest as she felt Anne's arms leave her side, but before she had a cohesive argument together her wife was halfway across the shop, looking for the proprietor. Lauren just sighed and turned back to the toy soldier, trying to figure out how they would get it to fit in their small car.


	2. Logue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd rather pick flowers / instead of fights  
> And rather than flaunt my style I'd flash you a smile / of clean pearly whites  
> -Owl City, "Dental Care"

Somehow, they got the toy soldier safely back to their suburban home. Anne helped her wife maneuver it into the workshop in the garage, but afterwards Lauren found herself alone to deal with the run-down antique while Anne returned her attentions to the ever-growing pile of paperwork. 

She began by removing the uniform, setting it aside carefully so as not to damage it further. She was hardly a seamstress herself, but she had a cousin who did historical reenactments and had promised that he knew a guy who could have it repaired. With the fabric out of the way, it was clear to Lauren just how much care this toy soldier would need. The wood was splintered and faded, the gears--while intricately crafted--were tarnished and loose, and some were missing. 

The daunting task before her did nothing to lower her spirits, however. If anything, Lauren felt bad for the wooden man, and was determined to return it to its former glory. She began her work eagerly, but with precision, removing the damaged wooden casing and making note of what could be repaired and what she would need to replace. 

It was by no means easy work, but over the weeks of sanding and sawing and polishing and fabricating, Lauren found herself growing more and more fond of the toy soldier. By the time it was finished, with gleaming epaulets and well-oiled mechanisms, the grand opening of Dr. Holden's dental practice was quickly approaching. Lauren was just putting the finishing touches on the mustache when Anne walked into her workshop, carrying a small basket of pastries. 

"Oh! Lauren, it looks wonderful. Like it could come alive and make me tea. Speaking of, you have to try these!" She held out the basket, and Lauren took one of the proffered treats. "Justin brought them over for the grand opening, but I don't think he'll notice if a few go missing before then." 

They spent the evening enjoying the pastries and each other's company, paying no mind to the toy soldier who watched them, enraptured. 

-

The grand opening went off without a hitch. The children were delighted by the toy soldier, who stood at attention beside the door in its crisp uniform. It held the enormous novelty toothbrush at its side like a rifle, and seemed to exude all the pride and poise of a true soldier. 

By the time that first day of niceties and networking was over, both Anne and Lauren found themselves exhausted. They cleaned up as best they could to prepare for tomorrow, when Anne's first patients were scheduled. It was after midnight when Lauren finally turned off the lights and locked the main doors. Just before she stepped out to join her wife, who was already asleep in the car, she turned to address the toy soldier, still dutifully holding its toothbrush. 

"You're in charge while we're gone, Mr. Toy Soldier. Don't let anybody rob the place."

For a moment, in the dim light of a passing car's headlights, she thought she saw it shift and nod slightly. But she was tired, and that was just her eyes playing tricks on her. She double-checked that the door was locked and got into the driver's seat. Anne stirred beside her and sat up. For a few minutes, they drove in comfortable silence, basking in the pleasant exhaustion of a hard day’s finish. 

"You know," Lauren began, "We really need to give that old statue a proper name. If it's going to be our mascot, we can't keep calling it the toy soldier or whatever." 

Anne started to answer, but interrupted herself with a yawn. "How about Jeffery," she drawled half-heartedly. 

Lauren considered that for a moment. "It's clearly a military officer, though. It needs a rank. I say we call it Captain Tooth."

"Sure, babe, anything you want." 

Anne returned to her nap almost immediately, but Lauren felt a tiny buzz of excitement for the rest of the drive. She could dress the newly minted Captain Tooth up in delightful seasonal clothing, like those goose statues that old ladies had. A rain hat for spring, a scarf for winter, a hawaiian shirt and sunglasses for summer. It was going to be perfect. 

-

When Anne arrived at her office for her first day of work, everything was decidedly _not_ perfect. The glass front door of the building was smashed, and there was an extremely suspicious-looking van parked out front. Immediately, she called her wife, who picked up on the second ring. 

Her voice was low and thick with sleep, and her usual fondness was mixed with exasperation. "Beloved, darling, light of my life, it is 5 in the morning why are you call-" Anne took a deep breath and cut her off, not bothering to hide her panicked tone. 

"Lauren, something happened at the office. I- I think someone broke in? And they might still be here? What do I do?!" 

The line was silent for a beat as Lauren took in the information. "Anne, you need to call the cops? Why are you calling me?"

"Babe. We have not been married five years for you to tell me to call the _police._ Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry."

There was another moment of silence, then Anne spoke. 

"I'm going to have to go in there. I have to know what happened, right?"

"I think so. Just... be careful, okay? Stay on the line with me. I love you, and I'll be over there as soon as I can." 

Anne held the phone close, like a lifeline, as she slowly opened the car door and made her way to the shattered glass of the door. She steeled herself for a moment before daring to look inside. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. 

Inside the lobby was an unconscious man, dressed in black, and being held quite firmly around the neck by the toy s- by Captain Tooth. As she looked on, mouth agape, it looked up at her, and gave a jolly wave. She waved back reflexively. 

"Hey, Lauren, you're not going to believe this."

-

Lauren didn't believe it, not until she arrived on the scene and saw it for herself. The mechanical Captain Tooth had somehow managed to detain a would-be burglar. It was moving on its own now, and talking, and it was quite unsettling but also sort of endearing?

Anne got on the phone to cancel the morning's appointments so they could deal with the whole situation. Lauren began cleaning up the glass in the entryway while Anne and the mechanical man took the burglar, who gave his name as Gordon Locke, into one of the back rooms to "deal with him." She was curious as to what that actually entailed, but she trusted her wife to take care of the situation. Sure enough, by the time she was vacuuming up the last of the glass shards, Anne and Captain Tooth had returned. 

"So, how did the interrogation go?"

Anne gave a small shrug. "We asked him to explain what happened, then asked him politely to stop breaking into places. Honestly, he seemed pretty traumatized by the whole event, so I think he's ready to give up his life of crime. I gave him the contact information of some mutual aid and community support groups and sent him on his way."

"And did you figure anything out about our wooden friend here?"

Another shrug. "It said it was just following orders, but I don't remember giving it any. Also, why didn't you tell me it could move? And talk?"

"Because I didn't know! This is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. If it can follow orders, though, we might as well put it to work. It's more than proven itself capable of being our security system, if nothing else." 

Between the three of them, they had the office in passable condition in time for the nine-o-clock appointment. The receptionist and dental hygienists seemed surprised to see the tarp over the doorway, but Anne explained it away as an attempted break-in. She wasn't lying, but she did strategically exclude mentioning the toy soldier, who had been ordered to stand still and stay silent for the time being. 

Lauren glanced over at it occasionally. She was sitting in the waiting area on her laptop, ordering the replacement door. Captain Tooth was a mystery to her. Was it an automation with human-like AI and dexterity? Was it a person who had replaced their body with mechanical parts? Neither of those things were possible, nor were any of the other reasons she could think of for its existence. 

All she could do was accept that it did in fact exist, and move on with her life.


End file.
